rebirth-deathwish

What is going on???

2008-10-10T12:43:00.010+08:00

Introvert but outspoken person?
What does it means?

Food seems tasteless nowadays...
Life seems colourless recently...

Eating for the sake of eating...
Living for the sake of living...

What is the point of all these?

Things around seems so dead...
So lifeless...
So dull...
So invisible...
So meaningless...

What am i going through now???

What is this torture???
It seems like part of my life now...
This tortured feeling is getting comfortable within my life...
Its making me feel so terrible...

Anger and fustration....
they seem to come so close...
so close that i feel like exploding...
Feel like a time bomb within me with less than a second before blasting me into pieces...

Just what is going on???
why did my facilitator say i am someone introvert but outspoken???
i always felt i am someone extrovert and friendly...
but it seems like i am not...

Am i afraid of loneliness or do i enjoy to be alone???
do i set myself into my own thinkings only or do i think and bother about others in my life???

Confusion seems to have taken over my body, soul and life...
Everything seems wrong...
Everything seems to be out of control...

What is the cause of all this???
What stirred up this feelings???
Is this some kind of unknown mental problem?
Or isit depression coming back to seek me???

Should friends be the one i confide to???
or should i just keep it to myself???
Confusion is stepping in again...
Confused about everyting going on in the world...
Confused about my life...
Confused about myself...

Is this life???
Is this me???
Is this the way i want things to be???

am i avoiding the problems i face???
or do i lack the courage to face it???

CONFUSION CONTINUES TO LINGER WITHIN ME...

ok...time to post...itz been a long long time...

2008-07-28T08:40:00.002+08:00

ok...itz been a long long time...been bz wif mani thgs...1st thg first is the daily sku...then i started work at swensens at funan IT mall, working almost everydae possible to earn money, the 9 Ball tour event which juz ended ytd, a great expierence to see and be invloved in a live sports telecast...got to know afew pple also and made my contacts...Then on top of that there are many planing of events for myself or my frenz to do...n also reaching out to help someone in need...
all theses thgs are tiring me out and i m trying to balance everythg well. so letz hope i can do it...

Questions that came to my mind this week:

Why isit i can speak so much wisdom and knowledge to someone and let them realise alot of things but i juz cant do it for myself? I just fail so badly in my life.

Why isit that everythg i say to someone sounds so logical and so meaningful but it just does not apply to me or i just cant apply it in my life?

Everyone might say we always can advice others veri well but itz always different when we come to ourselves..but why is that so? Does it really apply to me? If it does, how can i overcome it?

Why are we people with so much wisdom and knowledge but we don't know how to use it to benifit ourselves but others only? Why cant we benifit both?

ok...there are more but thk it is too much for u readers to absorb at one go alr...so i don thk i shld write anymore in order to prevent people frm going crazy when they realise they cant find mani answers to toz question...
these questions came to my mind aft having a good talk wif a guy called Jason Phua...he is facing many problems and i have given him mani thoughts and many questions to think about...many questions posted were left un-answered...even for myself...there are so many things which i ask myself but there is no answer...
sometimes i juz think that we arn't as knowledgeable as we think we are...ok...sounds veri contradicting...nvm...aniway mani thgs happen recently and i thk that it has helped me grow alot...questions that i ask myself everytime is one of the things that makes me think and ponder which in turn help me grow...able to question oneself is another steeping stone to growing. It's about identifying problems we face in life...hence resulting in the questioining of oneself...
aniway, till next time my readers...think about questions that i will post when i start questioning myself again...see if it applies to u...

A series of unfortunate + fortunate event

2008-07-07T09:09:00.002+08:00

A series of Un/fortunate event

woo...been some time since i updated...well...as u all can see, this topic is about a series of unfortunate and fortunate events in my life. So letz begin this adventure.

1)On Friday (27/06), I dropped my laptop and my whole screen cracked internally causing all e ink to spill within my screen.
2)Then my handphone dropped into my food while eating.
3)Nearly trip and fall 2 times.
4)Forget to bring EZ-link card to work on saturday(28/06).
5)Handphone screen crack yesterday (06/07) like my laptop even when i did not knock into it or applied pressure. It juz crack in my pocket.damm!!!

Ok...imagine those things happening..isnt that unfortunate enough???

Well letz look at the fortunate thgs that happen in my life now...
1) Dad did not scold me for destroying my laptop
2)Dad became understanding
3) Agrees to buy me a new laptop when i requested
4)Grandma heard abt my laptop and offered to sponser me $1000 to buy a new one
5)1 of the chosen 4 from RP to help with the ESPN Guinness 9 ball tour in Singapore
6)MANIFESTED and SET FREE on saturday(06/07)!!!!
7)Great fellowship with Inez and Eileen after manifesting that day.

ok...there may be more but i think i forgot...aniway these are toz that has created more impact in me to make me remember...hahaz...
aniway i think that all the unfortunate things are the work of the devil/Satan/demon trying to make me lose faith in my Lord JESUS and doubting him why is all these happening to me but i will not lose faith...as when I am down to nothing, God is up to something and i know God loves us too much and would not do such things to me... So i must and will stay strong to fight this devil...hahaz...ok...
aniway i m feeling nw that although mi n ah yuan n ah hui are no longer meting up during weekdays to fellowship because of us bz with sku and studying, i still think that we are still concern abt each other and care abt each other...just that we do not have time to come out and fellowship...realli appreciate them alot...they are the ones that made me somehow overcome my depression and putting it aside hidden within my heart and Jesus was the one that took it out of my life totally...hahaz...shall update next time again...
till next time...tke crez...

Appreciative

2008-06-26T20:25:00.002+08:00

ok...its all about being appreciative... recently i have been learning alot from people around me about being appreciative... i think it is God trying to teach me about being appreciative...he is trying to educate me through the people around me...
I think it all started by Pastor Kong talking about loving our parents...then i started having this thinking about when did i last appreciated what my parents did for me and when was the last time i do smt for them...
Then it went on to the book where Valerie introduced me and some parts of it talks about cherishing and appreciating...
Then it went on to my Facilitator, Mr Chong, who asked me to do a research on this guy called Dick Hoyt and i learnt from his son what is being appreciative also...
And lastly, today. I was talking with samuel on the way back from kallang from the SYFOC...although the conversation was short, i begin to realise alot of things n started relecting...
Samuel shared about afew things...let me list it down(not in order)...
1)a phrase " we are like a thread of a cloth"
2) My weakness which is relationship
3)My roots nt deep enough and can be pulled up easily by the devil
4)Thgs that i fail to appreciate when we were still in N188
5)Devotion to God
and many more...realli felt like breaking down on the train n cry out to God but i juz cant...i am in public...so i beared with it until i reached home...

anyway...here is my apperciation to the people that i wana thks for being there for me and toz that has done so much for me in my life. it is too not in any sort of order.

To Samuel: Thx for always being there and sharing with me...although i noe that i did not appreciate u back then when we were in N188, n caused a huge dissapointment in u when i left u all tt time, i juz wana thank you that now even when i am back u still showed me the same care and concern u used to show me...through all the small conversations with u i have learnt alot...you have taught me alot of things in life...i really appreciate that...u are one great person in my life.thank you samuel

To Francis: although i don't think u will get to see this, but u are one person that went the extra mile and did many things for me but i did not apperciate u at all...instead i took u for granted when u came all the way down to yishun earli in the morning juz to giv me bible study last time but i did not even sae a word of thanks. You also called me and chatted wif me to find out how am i doing and cared for me so much but i did not appreciate u at all in the past... That day when i saw u i really wanted to hug onto u n breakdown and thanking you for everythg great u have done in me...you are one person that make me who i am now...which is a better person...when i look back i realise how u treated me and nw i am going to be like u and treat others the way u treated me...thank you

To Mr Chong: although i think you will not see this but i still want to say my appreciation to u... you hav not only been a great teacher but way more than that. You share and teach us ways to live our lives. It is something that u can choose not to do as it is not part of the syllabus but u did. u wanted us to be great people in the future. You are willing to go the extra mile just for us... You are someone who is there for us and acting like a father who shows care and concern to us. i really don't know what else to say but to thank you for being such a great fren that has left an impact into my life...thank you

To Evangelyn: i noe that sometimes u r bz or sick but u have always been there to help me and encourage me. you are so far the only few that really cared for me...u nvr failed to talk me out of my moody-ness...the care n concern u had for me was smt that i have not felt for a very long time. Thank you for giving me tback that feeling...i will cherish u always.

To Valerie: Thank you for being such a great friend/great pal to me...you have brought the smile out of me that is coming from my heart. You have brought me the happiness that i always wanted. u have also always been there for me when i m lonely and when i needed someone to accompany me. You never fail to make my dae a happy one. Seeing u and the things u do juz makes me smile from my heart. you are one great person that bring the happiness out of me. Thanks. Seriously i appreciate u as my friend alot...i will always be there to cheer u up and b there for u wheneva u need me...

To Felicia: felicia, you are the closest person that is in my life for many years. you were there to support me during the times where i was down giving me advices and scolding me sometimes when i did smt stupid. we had alot of joyous time together and i really appreciate u and i do not know what to do if u were to leave and move out of my life. u are someone too impt to me and i cant lose u...u are more than a friend to me..you have alr been part of me and i really appreciate u for being in my life...thanks...

ok...there are more pple i should appreciate but tiz are the few impt pple in my lives...u peepz will owaes be someone ever so impt in my life. i cant do widout ani of u...I will always be there for u all wheneva u all need me. i promise that i will do what i can for all of u...thanks alot once again for being there impacting my life.

ok...thats all...till nxt time...tke cre my readers...i noe tiz post is abit long but i really wana thk them alot...

depression/loneliness

2008-06-19T23:41:00.002+08:00

this poem expresses what i m feeling nw...

DEPRESSION.....

Loneliness is …..
The empty feeling that comes from within
Loneliness is ……
The longing to share your thoughts and feelings with someone who’ll listen
Loneliness is ……
Reaching out for open arms to find none there
Loneliness is …..
Standing in a crowded room but feeling alone
Loneliness is …...
Picking up the phone but having no one to call
Loneliness is …...
Knowing there is no one thinking of you
Depression is …..
Feeling alone Depression is …..Knowing this will never change
Depression is …..
Knowing your best isn’t good enough
Depression is …..
Knowing nothing you do matters
Depression is …..
Realizing your best days have gone
Depression is …..
Looking forward to the end
Depression is …..
Knowing no one really cares that you are looking forward to the end
L.. Pierson

Interesting Day

2008-06-18T10:35:00.002+08:00

hahaz...ok..actually told ah hui n ah yuan that i will update ytd morning but was too lazy in class to update...then went home ytd but still too lazy...so here i m in school, updating nw...
anyway what i wanted to update ytd was that i m quite happy that i did something for my mum the night before. I waited for her at the MRT and actually helped her carry her things. In the past i used to not carry it because i think it is very ugly and auntie and will make me lose face. But now i think differently. It is more about appreciating my mum and doing something back for her. It is still her that gave birth to me and how can i not do things for her as a gratitude to her just because of my face and being afraid of looking stupid and uncool. The thinking is totally wrong...hahaz...i am acutally quite proud i can overcome this and show gratitude to my mum by doing little things in her life for her.

Anyway, ytd during lesson, our facilitator actually showed us a short video clip on a Professor's last lecture. It was actually an event for the best professors from eah college to imagine that it was their last lecture that they are going to give before they die and what would they lecture on. So this professor was actually really dying of cancer and is left with afew wks to live but he was not affected by the fact that he is dying. Instead he made full use of it to talk and impact people about life. There are afew phrases that impacted me. He talked about acheiving his childhood dreams and until now things that he acheived and things that he did not acheived but learnt from it.. He said "expierence is what you get when you don't get what you want". He wanted to be a National Football Player but in the end he did not acheive that but instead he was coached by one of the top coach and that was the expierence he got. there are many other phrases but i have no time to type out and explain. anyway if u all are interested, juz go to youtube and search for Dying professor's last lecture. Click on the guy named Randy. That was the lecture. it's 1 hour 16 mins long.

Today is also another impacting day for me to realise the world and society today.
My facilitator today is covering for my usual facilitator and he gave me another view on the world and about interpreting things. He let me understood the world and the jobs in society now. he shared with me how important certification is although we might not use it in the skills in the future. He told me the way the CEO's of a company or an employer thinks when employing people. He is a very open facilitator but at the same time he has very high expectations for our work.
He is very impacting to me but i don't know how to describe it in words. Shall try n put it in words tongt and blog...gotta go do my work nw...till nxt time...tke crez...

editted pics

2008-06-16T14:51:00.006+08:00

this is my 1st time uploading pictures..never tried it before...hahaz...quite ez though...so shall start uploading photos whenever there is ani...lolx...

juz editted two pics...letz take a look...

ah yuan n ah hui posing

val n me by the restricted quarry

alrgt..tts all...juz trying out onli...hahaz...
tke crez...

An expierence wif God???

2008-06-16T08:35:00.003+08:00

mmm...i wana share about what happened ytd night when i was lying on bed preparing to sleep...i was thinking through what i just did before i turn in and i was actually thking something bad...then suddenly i heard a voice within me telling me to STOP ABUSING...i was actualli thking of using a certain software that i thk God blessed me with to enhance pictures taken wif my frenz but in the end i don't know why it swayed to thinking of using it to sabo pple and the word STOP ABUSING juz boomed within me..so i asked within me if that was God and strange enough i heard the voice within me replying yes...i was so shocked...then i asked which side is e real me?and which side of me are just masks and which side is the real me? So the reply was "it is up to u to choose and determine which mask u want as the main mask that will merge with u and which one is the other masks that u might need to use to suit different situation...But the masks that u wear must never totally cover the main mask...remember the phrase you read frm the book at swensen's(aniway tt bk was borrowed by my sis who don't read n hate books)?it says what is true lies between you and the idea of u..." so i started thinking and realised that everything was so true nw...i have got a strong feeling it was God talking to me through the Holy Spirit inside me...so i started asking God afew more questions and then went off to sleep...i am unsure if it was really God but whatever it was, it straightened out my thoughts...if anyone who reads this has e same expierence with me b4 plz tag me and so we can chat cuz i am really curious about this happening...
till then...tke cre my readers...

Being Appreciative

2008-06-15T23:09:00.002+08:00

ok...tiz post here is all about being appreciative...
after hearing what my cellgrp leader said and looking back at what i do, i find myself very unappreciative of what my parents have done for me and have been doing for me... I look back and realised i have been constantly taking money from my parents and spending like nobody's business...I know that my parents have been saving in all ways they can just to keep up to my demands...my mum has been skipping meals or eating bread for lunch instead of having a proper meal just to give me money and i don't feel appreciative at all...instead, at times where she says she does not have money to give me already i would start giving her a "black" face and say "itz only $10 or $20, y cant u juz give me???" Reflecting on it nw actually makes me feel veri bad, but i just don't know why after awhile i just forget all about it n start taking money from them again and never save a single cent until nw...There are so many things my mum or dad has done for me but i had never said a word of thanks to them from the bottom of my heart before...i feel that i am just taking them for granted and not appreciating them at all...Instead i would talk bak n give them that "black" face everytime i m unhappy with them...One certain incident just happened on friday during my Johor trip... I caught eyes onto this wallet from Country Hide and wanted to buy it but my mum said lets just walk around and let me consider first...so as we left i kept on pursuading her nd my dad...So when they finally allowed we went back to the shop but to my dissapointment that wallet was just sold off to another person...the salesperson said that they only have 1 or 2 pieces of each item so itz limited...and i was so angry i so called told my mother off infront of the salesperson saying"see...look what has happen nw thanks to ur lets walk around and see and let me consider 1st...u caused me to fail to buy that wallet i like...thx ar(veri sacarstically)." My mum even said sorry and say she didnt know it was the last piece but i just walked away...Then my mum brought me to secret recepie and keep on asking if i want to eat things and ask what i want to drink or do i want my favourite cheese cake trying to coax me but i just gave her a no widout even looking at her and with a very unhappy tone...she then apologise again but i still ignored her...then i started to think about it and felt very bad for treating my mum that way...After that i atually went into prayer and prayed to God to ease my anger and seek for forgiveness for behaving like tt to my mum...my anger ceased but i still failed to have the courage to apologise to my mum...Then before leaving i told my mum i want to go back to the shop to look at the rest of the wallets again...so my mum said go ahead...then to my suprise, i actually saw another wallet that was even nicer and it was just put up to replace the previous one i liked...so i told my mum i wanted it...although it was more expensive, my mum bought it for me straight away...i was so happy with it but still i did not say a word of thanks to her...SO UNAPPRECIATIVE OF ME!!!haiz...thking back now i feel that i am just a very unappreciative person towards my parents...i feel as if whatever they d for me is what they are supposed to do...but it's not the truth...they can choose to ignore me and not shower me with love or care n concern but yet they did not and instead, i am the one being unappreciative for what they have been doing for me...anyway, i think the wallet thing is all God's plan...God want's to test my anger management and i failed it but in the end he still rewarded me with an even nicer wallet...THANK YOU GOD...and lastly, i wana say THANK YOU TO MY MUM AND DAD...I LOVE YOU BOTH...AND I AM SORRY FOR BEING SO UNAPPRECIATIVE...I WILL MAKE IT A POINT TO CHANGE AND TREAT U BOTH BETTER AND LEARN TO BE MORE APPRECIATIVE...I AM SORRY...
well...thats all i gotta sae...tke cre my readers...till nxt time...

LAST WORDS:RETARDED AH YUAN!!!GO UPDATE UR WEB INFESTED RUSTY BLOG LA!!!HAHAZ...

FUN FUN and more FUN!!!

2008-06-10T22:15:00.002+08:00

WAHAHAZ!!!so fun!!!
ytd ngt aft blogging my poem rushed a cab down to chong pang as being afraid of being late to meet ah yuan...then sat at KFC to wait for her...then walked to yishun MRT to train down to bishan...waited at coffee bean for ah hui n sam...to thk ah hui was earlier than sam...wahahaz...
then sat at macdonalds for awhile mroe as coffeebean was closing...
then walked all e way to sing ming ave there to do some prawning..wahahaz...
it was quite a long walk but to thk ah hui n ah yuan toz pigs can walk..i m impressed...wahahaz..
was crapping n crapping all e way...PRWANING IS SO FUN!!! LETZ DO IT AGAIN!!!
hahaz...our 1st time....so noob...we started off dun dare to take the hook out frm e prawns...then i saw how e lady help us do tehn i learnt n overcomed my fear n started doing it myself...lolx..so proud of myself...
aniway...ah hui cant feel anithg when prawns take the bait..so toopid...hahaz...but at last when nearing the end she finalli could feel smt...lolx...n nearly caught a prawn but of course failed as usual as the line got entangled wif ah yuan's line which freed the prawn...lolx...
then ah yuan caught some prawns aso n even landed one of the prawn on samuel's back!!!wahahaz...then his t-shirt got the water mark of a full sized prawn..lolx..so funni...
then aft prawning me n sam bbq-ed e prawns while ah yuan peel the prawn n ah hui eats...so princess la she...n ah yuan told me tt was her plan she planned b4 tt...lolx...to thk we made her plan come true...we r such good people...nvm...itz SERVANTHOOD!!!SERVANTHOOD people....hahaz..aniway...started prawning frm 12.45 n finished at 3.55...then bbq until abt 5 then walk all e way back to bishan...then bus-ed down to hougang actually wan eat mac but not opened..so slak awhile n waited for ma to open...lolx..then ah yuan n me sent ah hui home and then headed home...n ah yuan got chased by some 5-6 dogs!!!wahahaz...so funni la her reaction...lolx...
then reached home abt 10 n slp 1 hr then went out to meet feli,ying n jian for lunch then headed home to slp...lolx...
aniway b4 i end i wana sae once again i m so impressed by ah hui n ah yuan that they can stay awake for so long n walk such long distances!!!lolx...
tts all...
till nxt time my readers....tke crez...

woohoo!!!simply cant believe it!!!

2008-06-09T19:20:00.008+08:00

Oh gosh!!!i cant believe it!!!i actually wrote out a poem!!!
thx to valerie for stirring it up...she showed me a few poems which she found on the net...and it made me want to write my own poem. so i juz randomly wrote one, according to my mind. and in the end i wrote about a student's life. hahaz...
n it took me onli about 15 mins to write tiz out...and so val...SEE!!! i told u i will write one out...believe me nw???hahaz...aniway...here is the poem...hope u all like it...

Student’s Life

The morning sun, shines on us.
The early birds, starts to chirp.
Our daily alarm, wakes us up,
And tells us, it’s time for school;

We got out of bed, unwillingly.
And headed for school, with our heavy legs.
It’s a daily routine, that makes us frown,
we hope it will, never come;

We sit in class, dozing off,
As if we haven’t, slept for years.
We wait for time, to pass us on,
Until the last bell, rings for the day;

We then arise, full of energy,
As if we’ve taken, some magical pills.
We rush out of school, to meet our friends,
and play around, sharing some thoughts;

The sun then sets, it’s time for home.
We separated, like there’s no tomorrow.
We walk slowly home, with a gloomy face,
As if we felt, it's a living hell!

A place for us, just to rest,
listening to our parent's, nag or scold,
And off to bed, to lala-land,
and prepare, for another day of school.

This is a routine, of a student’s life.
So bear with it, for a few more years.

-Elwin Leong

hey...no cut and paste hor...i mst protect my work...lolx...although i noe no one will do it...cuz itz an interesting poem at all...hahaz...feel so thick skin sia me...lolx...
aniway whatever typed out is 100% my work...i did not ut and paste or edit someone else''s work...itz purely frm my brains...hahaz...
enjoy n tke crez...gg out for prawning lata wid val,evan n sam...the "ah" family!!!hahaz...
bet i m gonna enjoy tiz overngt activity...lolx...
till then my readers, tke crez..

Understand me inside out??sure??

2008-06-05T23:19:00.003+08:00

wah...thx ar dad...juz reach home onli n u starting scolding/nagging.
what is wrong wif u???u sae u understand me veri well n knows what i want and evrythg...u claim eu noe me inside out...but is that really true?
What is e real meaning of knowing someone inside out??
what are the conditions/criteria needed before one can sae they know someone inside out?
anyway...if u thk u noe me inside out let me tell u straight...the fact is U DON"T UNDERSTAND ME AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!GET IT????
please stop saying what you have gone thru my times and know how i feel and thgs...it different...itz not the same animore...there is generation gap...technology gap...everythg is different...and one more thing is the things u have gone thru r different frm teh things i hav gone thru because different people has different approach to things...so stop saying u know how i feel!!! ITZ DIFFERENT!!!
D-I-F-F-E-R-E-N-T!!! understand??everytime u do smt like tt i juz feel veri sad/broken/emo/down cuz u don even understand me at all...y don't u understand me even though we live under the same roof???after living wif u for almost 18 years...y?
haiz...nvm...ok...letz juz get back to my happenings...
ytd nite was on phone wid ah yuan...so was interesting n fun at e same time...n tiz new blogskin is thx to her...we were like browsing thru blogskins.com together n toking thru e phone to sae which one is nicer n stuffs...then we juz decided on tiz as it was running late n we still had our prayers to do...wahahahaz...but i enjoyed the whole process...
Todae work up abit late n was rushing to work...hahaz...the class was terrible...kids not listening to me n stuffs...argh...but nvm...for the money i will endure...hahaz...
then went home to rest n wait for ah yuan...then it started to rain...
n guess what???
I got dressed n went outside ah yuan's sku wif an umbrella for her cuz her leg was bandaged...haha...1st time after like 8 years that i brought an umbrella out when meeting frenz to slack...i never even brought an umbrella out for myself even during heavy stroms as i found it a hassle...but thk everythg has changed nw...aft reading bks that ah yuan intro-ed me...i know that we should pour out our love for everyone...n plz don thk too much...itz not toz BGR love...itz juz LOVE...somethg tt cant be explained...can b family love, friendship love etc etc...
aniway...then headed down to bishan wid ah yuan to buy her slippers and the usuall funni thg happened...smt that ah yaun tends to do...but i was still funni...hahaz!!!
then went down to novena n slack there wid ah yuan,ah hui, samuel n pei en...
had dinner at kopitiam then went to Han's to slack...
Han's cheat my money!!!absolut Vodka was $10 a glass but in e end they gave onli one a a half shot of it n e rest was sprite!!!wth!!!
nvm...had lotz of fun wif them as usual n ah yuan kissed ah hui on train!!!woohoo!!!thx to me...lolx...then enjoyed the talk wif ah yuan on e way home also...then the dampening of spirits came...nvm...shall nt tok much alr...gotta do my prayers nw...till nxt time...tke cre my readers...

HAPPI!!!HAPPY!!!HAPPI!!!

2008-06-04T21:37:00.003+08:00

heyhey!!!
hahaz...went for check up tiz morning...appointment was 9 but left home abt 8.50...lolx...reached there abt 9.20...i expected a long wait but as sn as i got registered, i was next on the list to see the doctor!!!lolx...
n did some checks and found out i m quite gd...or rather gd...i was suspected hypertension with recording 150/89...it was considered high...highest acceptable would be 140/85 and optimal would be 120/80...i did a total of 4 checks today and only the 1st one was high...the 1st reading was 153/89..the subsequent 3 checks were all 130-132/80-82...woohoo!!!well...i think e reason why it was always high when i was checked was beause of me being tensed...as for the next 3 checks, i was more relaxed as the doctor cracked some jokes to ease me...hahaz...aniway it was fun...then did a blood test n luckily i fasted frm last night...
then headed home n felicia called me suddenly ask me go eat wid her but i said i having my lunch at home alr...so instead we met n visited the gym instead...hahaz...she had free entry as she was a staff there n i paid $5.35 for an entry to the gym...well aniway it was worth the money...spending time wif a fren n also working out at e same time...so it makes it worth while...
then headed home n changed n met liang yi n pig n dog go safra play pool...lolx...not bad not bad...aft so long i still manage to keep my skills there...lolx...
then nw i m at home rotting...tts y i wanted to update...
aniway, wana share 2 quotes frm what i read in tuesdays with morrie. It is a very interesting and impactful bk...
the first quote goes " Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.
A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle." So mitch then asked which side would win...and the answer for it was " Love wins. Love always wins."

The next quote is more impactful to me and here it goes. " So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they are busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."
This quote impacted me alot...it set me pondering am i chasing after the correct thing? and what is my meaning and purpose here on earth? am i moving towards the right direction?
anyway,juz to share afew moew phrases from the bk to set you people pondering...

1) Have you found someone to share you heart with?
2)Are you giving to your community?
3)Are you at peace with yourself?
4)Are you trying to be as human as you can be?
5)Would you wither up and dissappear, or would you make the best of the time left?
6)Accept the past as the past, without denying it or discarding it; Learn to forgive yourself and forgive others; Don't assume that it's too late to get involved.

alrgt...all thses should be enough to set u all pondering...shld go n call ah hui nw...lolx...till then...tke cre my readers...

time to update...

2008-06-03T21:14:00.002+08:00

ok...time to update again...finally manage to overcome my laziness to update...so here i m updating...
well...mani thgs happen during the few daes i did not update...

on fri aft i left sku still feeling emo, i sat a bus and headed home...upon reaching home, i chatted on msn wid ah hui n told her abt my problems and i was feeling emo...the reason y i told her was cuz of the 3 conditions i promised her n one of them was to tell her everything...so i did as promised...so she told me to repent for breaking fast n also to pray and seek God about this matter...so i did and went into praying...while praying i flipped the bible to a page n pointed to a verse with my eyes closed. So it was Joel 2:12-13. The verse read "Now, therefore," says the Lord, "turn to me with all your heart, With fasting, with weeping, and with mourning." So rend your heart, and not your garments; Return to the Lord your God, For He is gracious and merciful, Slow to anger, and of great kindness; .
It really impacted me and made me think back on why did i not seek God when i was feeling down?why did i chose to take things into my own hands and in the end fail to control the situation? y did i not have enough faith to put things into God's hands and allow the holy spirit to lead me instead?
Anyway all these questions set me thinking...

On saturday, as usual woke up to go cell grp at pei en's hse...sadly both ah yuan n ah hui did not attend tt dae as they had other impt thgs to do...well at least i still hav samuel!!!hahaz...then headed down to expo for service. the message was very power. Pastor Tan titled it Built to Last(Part 2). Shalnt talk so much abt it...if u r interested ask me..i will b more than willing to share...then aft service took a bus home. During the bus ride was reading the bk "for one more day" that ah yuan intro-ed me...
aniway i finished reading it on sundae!!!great bk!!!although it talks more abt motherly love, if we take a step futher, we actually realise it is more about cherishing the people ard us...be it family or friends or the things we have.
shall quote something frm the bk nxt time to share wid all of u...

aniway sunday was family day for me so i did not meet up wid my cell grp frenz for basketball...went to suntec for book fair instead...wanted to buy e other 2 titles by mitch albom but they don have it...so before leaving suntec, i went to citylink mall MPH to buy toz 2 bks...then headed down to Far East Plaza and did some shopping there wid my family. Then we headed home and wanted to bring my grandparents to Taste of Thailand restaurant to eat but i did not accompany them. So i stayed at home...

Ytd slpt till abt 1 then went out upon my sis phone call...she told me her fren kui en's phone was stolen at LJS...so i headed down to golden village and northpoint to hang ard abit to see if the thief would be ard showing tt stolen phone to his/her fren but to no avail...so i asked my sis to send me kui-en's hp IMEI number n i went ard all handphone shop near northpoint and around northpoint and told the shop owner the model n imei number with my contact number juz in case tt thief decides to sell it there the shop would call the police or me to go down n take the phone back and bring the thief to justice. Then after that, went down to KK hospital to visit Pris as she had juz undergone surgery to remove her tonsils.
then went home aft tt.

As for today, went to work at Global Indian International School (Siglap). Went there to teach guitar frm 2.30 to 3.30...juz an hour job...but travelled abt 1 1/2 hr each to and fro...so made use of the time to start with the bk "tuesdays with morrie" by mitch albom also...ant bk ah yuan intro-ed to me...juz by reading the 1st few chapters i alr felt it touches my hear so much...other than tt, nothing much for today...

Yay!!!ah hui can meet us tiz thurs le!!!tiz thurs is gonna b a dae i m so looking forward to alr...wif the bunc of crazy fool...bet itz gonna b a great day out wid ah hui, ah yuan n samuel!!!lolx...till then...tke crez my readers!!!

2008-05-30T12:33:00.003+08:00

haiz...veri bad moodswing todae...dono y...
everythg was so fine tiz morning when i was wif felicia...itz been so long since we took a bus to sku together instead of taking the MRT...it was so great and fun...read abit on bus then played the board game DUMB wif her on psp during the bus ride...everythg was so fun n enjoyable until...

i reached class n settled down and everythg started to change...suddenly tiz feeling of loneliness and sadness juz came into me and tiz feeling of wanting to b alone and b in a world of my own doing nth...tiz emo feeling juz came in...itz juz so random..a sudden change in mood...haiz...but y is this happening???i cant trace the source of where all this feeling came frm???itz been going on for quite awhile...but recently it went away until todae...i juz felt so lonely and so sad...werid...n cuz of all this i even broke fast todae...i noe i shld b fasting as a zone for revival within our zone but i juz broke fast like nobody's business...haiz...wad is wrong wif me???

juz hope that thurs wid them will nvr end...when they r ard...all tiz will nvr come...i will go crazy wif them n really enjoy myself...itz been so long since i enjoyed myself so much until their appearence into my life...realli hope tt they will b there wif me 4eva...cant stand tiz loneliness feeling...itz making me wana emo and ignore everyone...i m so unsure wad is going on n wad is happening but itz juz all so wierd...it juz comes so randomly...haiz...hope that all these negative feelings will go away sn bahz...
if not hav to wait for every sat and every thurs to gain back my craziness n laughter thru them n thru church...i feel like the only frenz i hav are them n felicia...i thk toz in my class r all juz hi-bye frenz who juz became fren for the sake of becoming fren juz to work as a team...when we r out of class we r juz like strangers...pure strangers as if we all have not met before...
anyway...shall nt say animore...
till then...tke crez...

CRAZY PEOPLE + CRAZY ACTIONS =CRAZY DAY

2008-05-29T23:21:00.004+08:00

oh gosh!!! such a great day today!!! had so much fun and suh a pleasent surprise!!!

okok...you all might be wondering what isit all about...let me tell eu...itz another outing wif the "ah family" and tiz time wid a new member SAMUEL!!!
they simply rock my life...every outing wif them is an outing that let me really relax and put away my self conciousness where go go real crazy and forget about all the stress n worries...
ok...letz start the story for todae...

I skipped sku today as i came back frm camp ytd nigth abt 11pm and was simply too tired to go to sku...so slp in and was smsing ah yuan n chatting wid ah hui on msn...then i slp in frm 12 to 3 again...then i realise i gotta wake up n bathe n prepare if not i will b late for meeting ah yuan!!!
so went out to meet ah yuan at 4 and headed down to novena to buy samuel surprise gift...hahaz...then ah yuan said smt stupid and make the shop attendant and me laughed..hahaz...she asked if they can engrave on the front of the wallet as she thought it was metal but it was actually rubburish palstic!!!hahaz...so funni...then went on to find engraving shop to engrave the money clip inside of the wallet and went to print samuel pic to put into his wallet for him. Then went to MPH bookstore and was looking at books and ah yuan actually introduced me a book that made me has so much interest in it...i usually read classics rather than fiction book but this fiction book sounded very nice...so i bought it...the title is called "for one more day" by Mitch Albom. Bet itz gonna b nice...
aniway...then headed down to meet samuel at AMK hub and went to popular to find my sis a bk...then we rushed to AMK HUB nEBO cafe cuz ah yuan made a bet wid ah hui sae the last to reach mst treat...hahaz...so we reached 1st and settled down...then ah hui reached with a gong look as usual...hahaz...
then we me n ah yuan had cheesy beef pasta for dinner and ah hui had fish and wedges and samuel had chicken cutlet for dinner...then ah hui n ah yuan complained their ie lemon tea was tasteless...hahaz...but the enviroment there is veri nice..with a candle in the middle of the table which ah yaun nvr fail to cease the fire....hahaz...then we play the game jungle speed there...so fun!!! played for awhile then i hinted ah hui to giv samuel the surprise gift..then she suddenly pushed to me a purple plastic bag and sae it was for me!!! i was so shocked that i gave no expression at 1st...it was e 1st time someone blessed me something out of the blue n i didn't know how to react to it...then they gave samuel the surprise wallet we bought for him...he was aso veri shocked like me...hahaz...could see he really like the wallet alot...and i loved the shirt they bought for me alot aso!!!so nice!!! then they asked me to go and change into the shirt..so i went...and when i came back they made a mess at nEBO cafe..hahaz...ah yuan spilled the drink on ah hui...lolx...so funni...then we took some pictures and then went out of nEBO cafe...then here is the part where the sabo comes in.
our trend is whoeva receives present will b sabo-ed to do smt...so wad i m supposed to do is to go to the fountain at AMK HUB and say i like the shirt and go into the fountain to pose...so idiotic!!!hahaz...then samuel was sabo-ed to dance ragge in front of coffee bean which was beside the fountain...hahaz...then a passer-by shouted i love the dance!!!hahaz...he was so pai sae...
lolx...
then took some pictures and headed to mrt station....outside the mrt station ah yuan n samuel started with the sissors paper stone game and the winner get to slap the loser...then it was my turn with ah yuan n lastly ah hui n ah yuan...so funni!!!we seriously made a fool out of ourselves n we don care...people are like laughing at us but who cares...as long as we enjoyed it...making a fool of ourselves is aso a trend in our family...hahaz...
aniway all the happenings are all either pictured or video-ed down...shall learn to post them onto the blog e nxt time...
aniway..itz quite a long post...so i shall post what happened during the previous few outings wid them the nxt time...
till then...tke cre...

A decision finally made

2008-05-23T10:40:00.000+08:00

ok people. It is a decison finally made by me to start a new blog again. Previously i stopped blogging because blog is a place where all the memories are and sadly it was all sad or bad memories. Hence i stopped blogging.

However, now i decided to blog because many things has happened recently that has made my day and enjoyed myself so i wish to blog it down somewhere to keep it as wonderful memories. Things and events that i do not wish to forget.

These wonderful memories are brought to me by my special "ah" family consisting of ah hui, ah yuan n myself who is being called ah buli but i am the one always being bullied. hahaz...

Anyway, i shall post those wonderful, retarded,idiotic and stupid events later on if not it will beome a very long post.

So once again, welcome to my new blog and welcome the new me and goodbye to the ~~old emo me~~.

Till next time, take care.