Friday, October 10, 2008 ' 12:43 PM
& will there always be rainbow, after the rain?
Introvert but outspoken person?
What does it means?
Food seems tasteless nowadays...
Life seems colourless recently...
Eating for the sake of eating...
Living for the sake of living...
What is the point of all these?
Things around seems so dead...
So lifeless...
So dull...
So invisible...
So meaningless...
What am i going through now???
What is this torture???
It seems like part of my life now...
This tortured feeling is getting comfortable within my life...
Its making me feel so terrible...
Anger and fustration....
they seem to come so close...
so close that i feel like exploding...
Feel like a time bomb within me with less than a second before blasting me into pieces...
Just what is going on???
why did my facilitator say i am someone introvert but outspoken???
i always felt i am someone extrovert and friendly...
but it seems like i am not...
Am i afraid of loneliness or do i enjoy to be alone???
do i set myself into my own thinkings only or do i think and bother about others in my life???
Confusion seems to have taken over my body, soul and life...
Everything seems wrong...
Everything seems to be out of control...
What is the cause of all this???
What stirred up this feelings???
Is this some kind of unknown mental problem?
Or isit depression coming back to seek me???Should friends be the one i confide to???or should i just keep it to myself???Confusion is stepping in again...Confused about everyting going on in the world...Confused about my life...Confused about myself...Is this life???Is this me???Is this the way i want things to be???am i avoiding the problems i face???or do i lack the courage to face it???CONFUSION CONTINUES TO LINGER WITHIN ME...
Monday, July 28, 2008 ' 8:40 AM
& will there always be rainbow, after the rain?
ok...itz been a long long time...been bz wif mani thgs...1st thg first is the daily sku...then i started work at swensens at funan IT mall, working almost everydae possible to earn money, the 9 Ball tour event which juz ended ytd, a great expierence to see and be invloved in a live sports telecast...got to know afew pple also and made my contacts...Then on top of that there are many planing of events for myself or my frenz to do...n also reaching out to help someone in need...all theses thgs are tiring me out and i m trying to balance everythg well. so letz hope i can do it...Questions that came to my mind this week:Why isit i can speak so much wisdom and knowledge to someone and let them realise alot of things but i juz cant do it for myself? I just fail so badly in my life. Why isit that everythg i say to someone sounds so logical and so meaningful but it just does not apply to me or i just cant apply it in my life?Everyone might say we always can advice others veri well but itz always different when we come to ourselves..but why is that so? Does it really apply to me? If it does, how can i overcome it?Why are we people with so much wisdom and knowledge but we don't know how to use it to benifit ourselves but others only? Why cant we benifit both?ok...there are more but thk it is too much for u readers to absorb at one go alr...so i don thk i shld write anymore in order to prevent people frm going crazy when they realise they cant find mani answers to toz question...these questions came to my mind aft having a good talk wif a guy called Jason Phua...he is facing many problems and i have given him mani thoughts and many questions to think about...many questions posted were left un-answered...even for myself...there are so many things which i ask myself but there is no answer... sometimes i juz think that we arn't as knowledgeable as we think we are...ok...sounds veri contradicting...nvm...aniway mani thgs happen recently and i thk that it has helped me grow alot...questions that i ask myself everytime is one of the things that makes me think and ponder which in turn help me grow...able to question oneself is another steeping stone to growing. It's about identifying problems we face in life...hence resulting in the questioining of oneself...aniway, till next time my readers...think about questions that i will post when i start questioning myself again...see if it applies to u...
Monday, July 7, 2008 ' 9:09 AM
& will there always be rainbow, after the rain?
A series of Un/fortunate eventwoo...been some time since i updated...well...as u all can see, this topic is about a series of unfortunate and fortunate events in my life. So letz begin this adventure.1)On Friday (27/06), I dropped my laptop and my whole screen cracked internally causing all e ink to spill within my screen. 2)Then my handphone dropped into my food while eating.3)Nearly trip and fall 2 times.4)Forget to bring EZ-link card to work on saturday(28/06).5)Handphone screen crack yesterday (06/07) like my laptop even when i did not knock into it or applied pressure. It juz crack in my pocket.damm!!!Ok...imagine those things happening..isnt that unfortunate enough???Well letz look at the fortunate thgs that happen in my life now...1) Dad did not scold me for destroying my laptop2)Dad became understanding3) Agrees to buy me a new laptop when i requested4)Grandma heard abt my laptop and offered to sponser me $1000 to buy a new one5)1 of the chosen 4 from RP to help with the ESPN Guinness 9 ball tour in Singapore6)MANIFESTED and SET FREE on saturday(06/07)!!!!7)Great fellowship with Inez and Eileen after manifesting that day.ok...there may be more but i think i forgot...aniway these are toz that has created more impact in me to make me remember...hahaz...aniway i think that all the unfortunate things are the work of the devil/Satan/demon trying to make me lose faith in my Lord JESUS and doubting him why is all these happening to me but i will not lose faith...as when I am down to nothing, God is up to something and i know God loves us too much and would not do such things to me... So i must and will stay strong to fight this devil...hahaz...ok...aniway i m feeling nw that although mi n ah yuan n ah hui are no longer meting up during weekdays to fellowship because of us bz with sku and studying, i still think that we are still concern abt each other and care abt each other...just that we do not have time to come out and fellowship...realli appreciate them alot...they are the ones that made me somehow overcome my depression and putting it aside hidden within my heart and Jesus was the one that took it out of my life totally...hahaz...shall update next time again...till next time...tke crez...
Thursday, June 26, 2008 ' 8:25 PM
& will there always be rainbow, after the rain?
ok...its all about being appreciative... recently i have been learning alot from people around me about being appreciative... i think it is God trying to teach me about being appreciative...he is trying to educate me through the people around me...I think it all started by Pastor Kong talking about loving our parents...then i started having this thinking about when did i last appreciated what my parents did for me and when was the last time i do smt for them...Then it went on to the book where Valerie introduced me and some parts of it talks about cherishing and appreciating...Then it went on to my Facilitator, Mr Chong, who asked me to do a research on this guy called Dick Hoyt and i learnt from his son what is being appreciative also...And lastly, today. I was talking with samuel on the way back from kallang from the SYFOC...although the conversation was short, i begin to realise alot of things n started relecting...Samuel shared about afew things...let me list it down(not in order)...1)a phrase " we are like a thread of a cloth"2) My weakness which is relationship3)My roots nt deep enough and can be pulled up easily by the devil4)Thgs that i fail to appreciate when we were still in N1885)Devotion to Godand many more...realli felt like breaking down on the train n cry out to God but i juz cant...i am in public...so i beared with it until i reached home...anyway...here is my apperciation to the people that i wana thks for being there for me and toz that has done so much for me in my life. it is too not in any sort of order.To Samuel: Thx for always being there and sharing with me...although i noe that i did not appreciate u back then when we were in N188, n caused a huge dissapointment in u when i left u all tt time, i juz wana thank you that now even when i am back u still showed me the same care and concern u used to show me...through all the small conversations with u i have learnt alot...you have taught me alot of things in life...i really appreciate that...u are one great person in my life.thank you samuelTo Francis: although i don't think u will get to see this, but u are one person that went the extra mile and did many things for me but i did not apperciate u at all...instead i took u for granted when u came all the way down to yishun earli in the morning juz to giv me bible study last time but i did not even sae a word of thanks. You also called me and chatted wif me to find out how am i doing and cared for me so much but i did not appreciate u at all in the past... That day when i saw u i really wanted to hug onto u n breakdown and thanking you for everythg great u have done in me...you are one person that make me who i am now...which is a better person...when i look back i realise how u treated me and nw i am going to be like u and treat others the way u treated me...thank youTo Mr Chong: although i think you will not see this but i still want to say my appreciation to u... you hav not only been a great teacher but way more than that. You share and teach us ways to live our lives. It is something that u can choose not to do as it is not part of the syllabus but u did. u wanted us to be great people in the future. You are willing to go the extra mile just for us... You are someone who is there for us and acting like a father who shows care and concern to us. i really don't know what else to say but to thank you for being such a great fren that has left an impact into my life...thank youTo Evangelyn: i noe that sometimes u r bz or sick but u have always been there to help me and encourage me. you are so far the only few that really cared for me...u nvr failed to talk me out of my moody-ness...the care n concern u had for me was smt that i have not felt for a very long time. Thank you for giving me tback that feeling...i will cherish u always.To Valerie: Thank you for being such a great friend/great pal to me...you have brought the smile out of me that is coming from my heart. You have brought me the happiness that i always wanted. u have also always been there for me when i m lonely and when i needed someone to accompany me. You never fail to make my dae a happy one. Seeing u and the things u do juz makes me smile from my heart. you are one great person that bring the happiness out of me. Thanks. Seriously i appreciate u as my friend alot...i will always be there to cheer u up and b there for u wheneva u need me...To Felicia: felicia, you are the closest person that is in my life for many years. you were there to support me during the times where i was down giving me advices and scolding me sometimes when i did smt stupid. we had alot of joyous time together and i really appreciate u and i do not know what to do if u were to leave and move out of my life. u are someone too impt to me and i cant lose u...u are more than a friend to me..you have alr been part of me and i really appreciate u for being in my life...thanks...ok...there are more pple i should appreciate but tiz are the few impt pple in my lives...u peepz will owaes be someone ever so impt in my life. i cant do widout ani of u...I will always be there for u all wheneva u all need me. i promise that i will do what i can for all of u...thanks alot once again for being there impacting my life.ok...thats all...till nxt time...tke cre my readers...i noe tiz post is abit long but i really wana thk them alot...
Thursday, June 19, 2008 ' 11:41 PM
& will there always be rainbow, after the rain?
this poem expresses what i m feeling nw...DEPRESSION.....
Loneliness is …..The empty feeling that comes from withinLoneliness is ……The longing to share your thoughts and feelings with someone who’ll listenLoneliness is ……Reaching out for open arms to find none thereLoneliness is …..Standing in a crowded room but feeling aloneLoneliness is …...Picking up the phone but having no one to callLoneliness is …...Knowing there is no one thinking of youDepression is …..Feeling alone Depression is …..Knowing this will never changeDepression is …..Knowing your best isn’t good enoughDepression is …..Knowing nothing you do mattersDepression is …..Realizing your best days have goneDepression is ….. Looking forward to the endDepression is …..Knowing no one really cares that you are looking forward to the end L.. Pierson
Wednesday, June 18, 2008 ' 10:35 AM
& will there always be rainbow, after the rain?
hahaz...ok..actually told ah hui n ah yuan that i will update ytd morning but was too lazy in class to update...then went home ytd but still too lazy...so here i m in school, updating nw...anyway what i wanted to update ytd was that i m quite happy that i did something for my mum the night before. I waited for her at the MRT and actually helped her carry her things. In the past i used to not carry it because i think it is very ugly and auntie and will make me lose face. But now i think differently. It is more about appreciating my mum and doing something back for her. It is still her that gave birth to me and how can i not do things for her as a gratitude to her just because of my face and being afraid of looking stupid and uncool. The thinking is totally wrong...hahaz...i am acutally quite proud i can overcome this and show gratitude to my mum by doing little things in her life for her.Anyway, ytd during lesson, our facilitator actually showed us a short video clip on a Professor's last lecture. It was actually an event for the best professors from eah college to imagine that it was their last lecture that they are going to give before they die and what would they lecture on. So this professor was actually really dying of cancer and is left with afew wks to live but he was not affected by the fact that he is dying. Instead he made full use of it to talk and impact people about life. There are afew phrases that impacted me. He talked about acheiving his childhood dreams and until now things that he acheived and things that he did not acheived but learnt from it.. He said "expierence is what you get when you don't get what you want". He wanted to be a National Football Player but in the end he did not acheive that but instead he was coached by one of the top coach and that was the expierence he got. there are many other phrases but i have no time to type out and explain. anyway if u all are interested, juz go to youtube and search for Dying professor's last lecture. Click on the guy named Randy. That was the lecture. it's 1 hour 16 mins long.Today is also another impacting day for me to realise the world and society today.My facilitator today is covering for my usual facilitator and he gave me another view on the world and about interpreting things. He let me understood the world and the jobs in society now. he shared with me how important certification is although we might not use it in the skills in the future. He told me the way the CEO's of a company or an employer thinks when employing people. He is a very open facilitator but at the same time he has very high expectations for our work. He is very impacting to me but i don't know how to describe it in words. Shall try n put it in words tongt and blog...gotta go do my work nw...till nxt time...tke crez...
Monday, June 16, 2008 ' 2:51 PM
& will there always be rainbow, after the rain?
this is my 1st time uploading pictures..never tried it before...hahaz...quite ez though...so shall start uploading photos whenever there is ani...lolx...juz editted two pics...letz take a look...
ah yuan n ah hui posing
val n me by the restricted quarryalrgt..tts all...juz trying out onli...hahaz...tke crez...
